It has been said that time is the most patient teacher..
You will be presented with the same experience over and over until you learn the best way to deal with the situation.
This is not because life is cruel, rather, it is because things have a way of coming back to haunt us when we dont deal with them and one form of intelligence is the ability to learn from our mistakes after all we are all human.
So give time time.
I always knew it was too good to be true , too scared to get my heart broken and scared of the thought of losing you but in the end ,i trusted in the perfector and author of what i believe because what we ask of him ,in return shall receive
but i was your curve,you were my disease
I was saving you but you were killing me but then i remembered that night,our conversation,i wish you would have said it loud,i choose to ignore your loud thoughts.
If only i knew when i asked..you said you would stay but that would be the last..,call,the last time i would even see you.
You set me in isolation i was a ghost to my friends and myself,you made me doubt everything even myself.
Then i remembered’….’
“What is impossible?”
You asked “Maybe you loving me” I said
MY STRUGGLE WITH SELF
Have you ever tried explaining the word apathy to
anyone?.. If your answer is yes then I’m darn
sure you found it next to impossible right?
Well I’m in the same state of apathy.. I hardly
ever want to do anything.. Even breathe..
Existentialists will argue that I’m being ungrateful
since I’m in good health and not lying in some
hospital somewhere on life support… Yes i’m
grateful for life..
I’ve been seated on this side of the therapy couch
trying to explain to this supposed shrink what it
is that I feel… All I have been able to tell him is
that I really want to be with someone but I’m not
even sure on how to go about it.. It’s almost the
same as needing to get something from your
refrigerator because you need a snack and not
having the will to get up & going to get it then
getting infuriated at yourself for putting yourself in
that position in the first place..It’s a vicious cycle
I tell you..
My mom argues that I’m depressed.. My friend
tells me that I’m overthinking it.. Well I might as
well be… See for some time now I’ve wanted to
do something with my life.. so that it at-least
makes sense.. But then I wake up the next
morning and realize that I’m still in the same
situation I was in yesterday…
I tell this man seated across that I’ve been having
really disturbing dreams of late.. well right before
I discovered chamomile tea… he asks me to tell
him about all of him and I ask him if his name is
by any chance Daniel..(well depression does that
to a lot of people).
“I can only remember this particular one… I was
seated somewhere in the middle of nowhere.. but
now that I think about it I’m pretty sure that the
nowhere was at the Aga khan walk… It was a
chilly morning and the fog was super thick… I
must’ve been waiting for someone to come
along…. well the person didn’t come along for
about twenty minutes or so and when he finally
did I couldn’t see his face.. but everything else
felt familiar about him.. his slight limp… the tone
of his voice, the lean build… the hair…
It took me about twenty minutes to realize that I
was in fact looking at myself…”Look at what
you’ve done to me” he said… I couldn’t
understand him at first, but I found myself staring
straight into the hollow in his hoodie where his
face should’ve been…
He walked off without warning and the mist
cleared almost immediately… I had been looking
at myself for close to twenty minutes…”
I can’t remember anything else from there and I
find myself staring straight into this man’s eyes
again.. I do that only when I’m hopeless…
“You do realize that your dreams are an
expression of everything in your sub-conscious
mind.. and this dream you had is as a result of a
conflict in identity?.. I would say that the only
thing on your mind right now is making sense of
your life as you’ve already told me… You’ve tried
your hand in a lot of things and you seem to be
good at them… has it occurred to you that you
might be following the wrong path… don’t exert
so much pressure on yourself…
When I was your age the only thing I wanted to
do was make music… but when my father found
out he whisked me off to a school abroad faster
than I could protest…I spent a whole year trying
to come back home, flunking my classes..
basically anything that would get me expelled…I
came this close to destroying myself before I
witnessed a car accident.. Well everyone involved
died but it changed my life.. I’m just sad that so
many people had to die before I got on the right
track..I joined the corps from then on and
eventually the military as a counselor for trauma
and stress victims from the wars..
See time has a way of making sense out of most
things… Hurtful experiences become memories..
wounds become scars.. Seeds grow into trees…
Ideas materialize… Time & pain are the sculptors
of all things beautiful.. Take your time & try not
to rush things…Maybe change the people you
spend most of your time with, your wardrobe if it
frustrates you, clear your entire playlist and
maybe take up yoga classes if you can…
I’m glad that my father unknowingly set me on
this path… I’m in a better position to change
more lives including my own than I would’ve if I’d
chosen to follow my own path… I’m hoping time
will make things easier for you as you go along..
and never let yourself be driven by the fear of
becoming someone you’re not.. Life happens and
things change.. and the best reaction to change is
Well whatever he is saying seems to make no
sense at all.. except that part where I’m driven
by the fear of mediocrity..(has anyone come up
with a name for that yet?).. I guess I’m at that
point in my life where we run out of things to be
then find out that you can’t be yourself because
you don’t know who you are… Well because you
spent almost all your time trying to be things /
people you’re not and never will be…
I’ll continue seeing this man for as long as my
pocket lets me.. He seems to understand.. or at-
least pretend that he does… I still have that
feeling in my chest.. that my life is only going
round in circles.. Well maybe some time in the
future I’ll look back at all this and be happy that
I at-least my mid life crisis early..
I’m still driven by my fears of being mediocre and
lonely(and lots of other things)… I still don’t trust
the person I’m yet to become as much as I trust
karma & common goodwill… But trust is
something you earn right?…(the person I’m to
become has a lot of work to do)
I’m still looking for change.. & again I ask..
Change, won’t you come my way?
I know you say you know me, know me well
But these days I don’t even know myself, no
I always thought I’d be with someone else
I thought I would own the way I felt, yeah
I call you but you never even answer
I tell myself I’m done with wicked games
But then I get so numb with all the laughter
That I forget about the pain
Whoah, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We’re on the ground, we’re screaming
I don’t know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can’t take it
But I keep on coming back to you
Rexha -Back to you
Life can be fun some time but most time it will through anything at you, you gotta be strong and come out even a better person that you were.
i wanted to write down
exactly how i felt,
the paper stayed empty
and i could not have
I would want that my absence and presence mean something to you because sometimes you got to leave what you need and look for what you deserve.
Live your life like you deserve because you’re not guaranteed a second.
Stop looking for happiness the same place you lost it.
This being pretty much the most misused word after bruh,but this is to you bestie,my true bestie.
With the lows that came with law school,i found you and we made it bearable for each other, the late nights studying for tort 101 to lunch breaks, shopping even though we knew we din’t have a dime are just some of the moments i miss .
You’ve been through for me in my worst and best, the heartbreaks,the parties,the crushes and still are.
You are that person that everyone needs in their life . I wish that this lasts forever,i cant wait to chose my bride’s maid gown,to grow old and still laugh at our jokes .
So this is to the pieces who help me pick,to the tears you always dry, to the laughter you make last and to our love that will never die.
I love you Bestie
This is for you
To the day we met, always feel like it was and still is the best day of my life , every girl’s dream is to find that man that listens ,
who is honest,
Is there when you need them the most,
Treats you like the Queen you are,
Remembers your birthday ,
And above all ,loves you like you love him.
I dreamt of this day ,that i would wake up and smile knowing that you are still here,to the morning texts, jokes that would make me laugh so hard that i’d cry and to see you when i missed you so much.
To the days when i am down i promise not to take you with me.When im so angry i can hardly breath i’ll try hope that you din’t mean it. When we fight i hope it doesn’t get ugly .
I won’t promise that ill be perfect but i’ll be worth it..
Every great man in history has a story , some started of shy others just were.
One said that “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” We all have to fight for our wall of fame.
Its not always the great things we do that make a mark or touch a soul,its the small things we do in great ways that matter. Choose to be great, choose to make a change because it always starts with you,choose to touch life in a way or another, choose to learn a new thing from your friend everyday. Always make the first move on your life because you never know.
They say you cant be a beggar and be a chooser. Some things are put on the table for people to enjoy but they are things you fight for and then protect.
It always seems impossible until its done